Missing

C had a hard time falling asleep last night. So she crawled into my bed about 10:00 with me and I knew that if I was quiet enough and gave a little bit of encouragement that I would hear what was bothering her. And I was right. She misses her Daddy. It has probably been 3 weeks since she has had the opportunity to talk to him. We have only heard from him twice in the last 2 weeks. We have not managed to keep a connection for more than a few minutes and when he called last week C was not here. So I feel for her and I know exactly how she feels.

I can remember all the times that my Dad was packing all his Army gear to head here, there, and everywhere. I remember how sad it was when we left him at Ft Benning on Christmas Day because he was going to Saudi Arabia prior to the 1st Gulf War. Those Army National Guard guys where used to heading off to other to places that were hit by a natural disaster. These guys had never actually been to war. I used to go to bed early on the nights that he was packing his bags to go somewhere. It didn't matter if it was 10 days, 2 weeks, or a month I did not want to say good bye. I did not sleep good again until he was home.

My how times have changed but not the feelings. My children are growing up in a generation whose parents and other family members served in a war. Many have lost family members in a war and I have no idea how to comfort that with her. How much do I tell her when she ask what we will do if something happens to Daddy. She misses him and she has every right to.

What is hard for me is not being able to discuss this with him. He knows that she is missing him. I have not doubt about that, but it is not fair to tell him how much she is missing him or how sad that she can be from time to time. This is our second 6 month deployment in the last 2 year. It is a bit easier this time around because the kids are older and can do more for themselves. For C, it is hard because her emotions are stronger. The rotation right now is that he will redeploy about 18 months from the time that he gets home. Of course, all that is subject to change.

After her late night she had an emotional day and seemed to want to punish her brother and I for her sadness. I had to put a quick stop to that and the rest of the day slid by. We are making cookies now. Simple pleasures bring smiles to our faces and that is what the next 4 months will look like.

Have a good night. Amanda