The worst part of surviving deployment is the not knowing. The inability to pick up the phone and say "Are you alright?" The nagging feelings that will not go away. My mom always says that no news is good news. The worst feeling is when the door bell rings (chimes). For one brief moment I think, what will I do if there is a chaplain standing on the other side of this door. How in the world will I get the courage to tell my kids or call my husband's parents? My heart sinks, my body feels cold, and my thoughts spin as I walk to the door to see who is on the other side. So grateful when I hear a little girl giggle and ask for C to come out to play.
A millions times I have run through the scenario of it actually being a chaplain or the command CO. I cannot imagine what that moment will be like, but I cannot stop thinking about it either. I have even considered disconnecting the door bell. I have done that before when my children were babies. That would not keep the bad news out, I would still have to hear what I would not want to hear. I would still have to bear that burden, but thankfully not alone.
"Do not worry about anything. But pray and ask God for everything you need. And when you pray, always give thanks." Philippians 4:6
How hard is that?
I can pray and give thanks with the best of them, but the not worrying part gets me every time. But just as Paul told the people of Philippi, Jesus tells us to not to worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34) today has enough to keep our minds occupied.
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow is going to happen no matter how you feel about it. God gives you just enough today for you to handle.
For now the doorbell will stay in place and I will continue to pray protection over my husband. I am not sure how any human can cut off the worrying, but I can turn all my worrying over to the Lord. He is more than willing to carry my load for me if I am willing to walk with him. It is no wonder that I am constantly amazed that He loves us so much.